I'm not sure if I'm ready to write about my mom yet.
I think about her all the time. At least once a day I think "I really should call mom," because a part of me that isn't even thinking recognizes that I haven't spoken with her for too long. Then, just as quickly, I'll remember the reason why I haven't called her – she's not there any more.
I hadn't seen my mom since January when she passed. I am so, so thankful that I spent last New Year's Eve, 2019 going into 2020, with her. Usually when I visit Maine for the holidays I go back to LA before the new year, but last year I stayed longer because my niece begged me too, and it just made sense. I didn't realize what a blessing it would be to have that memory: staying up until midnight chatting with my mom; mom, Izzy and I counting down to the New Year and toasting with sparkling cider and non-alcoholic champagne when the clock struck midnight. I wish we had taken pictures.
